We have PCOS

When life hands you lemons…

Is the glass half full or half empty?

Is the grass truly greener on the other side?

This is my first post. I am the husband, the other half of this dynamic duo, though honestly I would say that I am the other 25% of this couple. First off, thank you to everyone that has chosen to read our blog. When Amie first came up with the idea of a blog, I was hesitant. Being a shy and quiet person, putting myself on the interweb and dictating my life is something that I am weary of. Yes, I had a Myspace page, I think I even had a Livejournal for a while. When you’re a freshmen in college, the more vulnerable you are the more attention you will receive, whether you want it or not. The older, wiser students will want to take you under their wing and show you the errors of their ways and hope to save you from bad decisions; their antagonists, the hip older kids that are taking remedial freshmen courses for the third time, will see your vulnerability as a chance for cheap entertainment, either through meaningless friendships with more personal satisfaction for themselves or as a free source of entertainment through the consumption of mass amounts of alcohol. Needless to say, Mr. Gray had a little bit of both. A learning experience indeed, one that soon hardened my exterior and led to a cautiousness toward life that has both been a virtue and a vice.

And then there is Amie. She is the brighter, shinier, better part of everything. Her continued optimism, even through the darkest of times, is something that I constantly am in a state of awe of. I have seen this as her greatest strength, as well as her greatest weakness. There are times when I am wanting to turn away from a given situation, hoping that my reclusive behavior will same me from unneeded headaches; instead, with my wife’s encouragement and impervious optimism, I have instead been able to open my eyes to new experiences that in the past I would have quickly shied away from. Has this led to headaches? Yup. Has this led to some of the happiest moments of my life? Yup. Like I said, she is my better half and greatest confidant.

We have PCOS. Polycystic ovary syndrome. This is a hormone imbalance that Amie and I have been living with for about a year now. When we first noticed the signs, we soon started visiting doctors. And then more doctors. And no answers were given, only guesses and treatment plans. When an ultrasound was done and the unknown condition was named, Amie soon started to research her condition. We are still in the process of balancing her hormones and becoming “healthy”, as well as “happy.”

As a person who is naturally a control freak and moderately OCD about things (I am a teacher, right?) I naturally have been having a hard time coping with the “unknown” of what we are going through. There is not a ultimate “cure” for PCOS, not now anyways, only procedures and means of handling the symptoms and eventually finding a balance. This is a situation that I personally have had a very difficult time coping with, and I will admit that this has caused some tension between Amie and I over the past year. I like absolutes. I enjoy logic and simple answers.

If an instrument is sharp, make it longer. If it is flat, make it short. You have a headache, take Advil. You hit your toe, put ice on it. Your wife has a hormone imbalance that consists of a guessing game and hopefully finding a solution. You wait.

And wait.

I’m impatient. I’m selfish. And scared. Its the feeling of helplessness that keeps me awake at night, that causes stress and work and at home. Its why I run everyday, wondering if the next stride that I take will be one step closer to helping my wife, my best friend, find a procedure that helps, a pill that eases her stress, a cure! I know at times I am difficult and that I can be an unwanted stress in Amie’s life.

It’s when I’m at my worst that suddenly, she is the strong one. She is the braver of the two of us. And I’m reminded that at the end of the day, after teaching and running and everything else that we are involved in…it’s us.

PCOS has brought us closer. My wife’s ability to continue to stay positive, even when I am a wreck, helps me make it to the next day. I take her for granted everyday. I forget that she is stronger then I can imagine, and that in the end, we will find an answer.

Until next time.